I decided to spend a day on the water windsurfing and snorkeling, actually trying to enjoy this island, something that I haven't really done since I got here.
I intended to spend the day alone because I needed to clear my head a little, it's getting a little clogged up with my love life. With Chad now occasionally at the back of my mind and I'm juggling my time between Annie and Mallow then working at the music theatre on top and it is all getting pretty exhausting.
Mallow knows exactly what I'm up to that while I'm seeing him casually I'm dating Annie, he know's and understands about my heir duties and that I actually without that have always wanted my own children. He also knows our secret meetings one day will have to stop. Annie however doesn't have a clue what is going on, she doesn't know I'm sneaking about with Mallow behind her back and I'm beginning to run out of excuses of where I am and what I'm doing when I'm sneaking off to see Mallow, I've let things get way to complicated and I need to sort it out.
Carrying on with Mallow is definitely not the smartest thing that I'm doing and after the public disgrace I should have put a stop to it, but there is just something about him that keeps pulling me back for more, seeing him needs to stop but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I've been trying to convince myself all day that letting Mallow go is what I should be doing.
When I got tired of thinking and of being in and on the water I decided to do some fishing which I found quite relaxing even if it was starting to get a little frustrating after hours of watching the float bob up and down in the water and I still hadn't caught anything.
On a whim I decided to go to the library to read a few fishing books to see if I could learn a little about fishing and to see where I was going wrong and why I hadn't caught anything. I bumped into River, Mallows sister who started laying into me straight away.
River: "I want you to finish with my brother!!" Firstly I'm shocked that she's rumbled us, but just her words sent my head into a blind panic because I felt like she'd just punched me in the stomach even suggesting it. I think that's when I knew emotionally with Mallow - I'm in trouble!!!
Cello: "What?"
River: "I'm not stupid, I know he sneaks you into the house when he thinks I'm not looking!!" she pulls a face at me "He forgets my room is next to his, I can hear you through the walls, talking and whatnot - I want you to finish with him before you hurt him anymore than you already are!!"
Cello: "I didn't know I was hurting him at all, he's quite happy with our ....... "
River: "Sordid affair ..... he's falling for you and you're just going to hurt him!!" she made me wince
Cello: "No, he isn't River ...."
River: "Trust me, I know my brother, he is!!"
River: "And what about Annie? She doesn't know about you and Mallow I take it!!?!"
Cello: "No! and you can't tell her either!!"
River: "Why shouldn't I Cello? You are disgusting the way you carry on and treat people!!"
Cello: "Look butt out River, Mallow wouldn't thank you for interfering and neither do I, how I treat people is none of my business, you need to take a good look at yourself before you go around pointing the finger at other people!!"
River: "And what's that supposed to mean?!"
Cello: "You are constantly a picture of misery, snapping and sniping at everyone - you seriously need to get laid, then we might finally see a smile on that miserable face of yours!!"
She stormed off in a right mood without saying another word.
I got a little worried that River might tell Annie about me and Mallow so my guilty conscience had me heading straight round to Annies where I spent the rest of the night. When really all I wanted to do was run straight round to see Mallow.
I've been dating her long enough to know that I like Annie and I keep thinking that we get on well enough, I could see myself living with her, I could even see myself trying to make a go of it with her and having children with her. I don't love Annie because I still can't see past Chad and even Mallow is growing on me a little more than he should be, but neither of them are going to give me the children that I want.
She is the one I need to keep a hold of in this mess that I've created, but I'm beginning to wander if I have the strength too carry it through. I'm beginning to worry that Annie doesn't excite me in the slightest, nothing like the way Mallow does. With Annie I'm just going through the motions - with Mallow it is totally different.
I keep trying to tell myself that it is the sneaking around with Mallow that makes it that much more exciting but I think deep down I know it isn't. I'm so exhausted, and I'm kind of getting myself into a routine, Mallow wears me out and has me up all night, Annie get's only a part of me and I catch up on my sleep in her bed which also helps me not to run off in the middle of the night.
Like things aren't already bad enough the next morning when I get home to find Mallow there with Forrest going through work stuff, talking about team tactics and they head off into the basement to do a work out. I need to speak to him so I sit nervously waiting for a chance to get him alone, all the while I'm saying in my head, I have to finish this, I need to put a stop to what we're doing and I have to do it now!!
The house is pretty deserted, there is only Forrest and Gran home, she's painting so when Mallow goes to take a shower after his work out I seize the chance got get him alone. I slip into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.
The minute he smiles at me - I bottle it - it's not happening, I seriously can't do it. He slips his arm around me without saying a word and starts to kiss me.
There is a sudden flash of light and I know exactly what he's up to. I stop kissing him and start laughing
Cello: "I'm beginning to worry about you Mallow - do you have some sort of fetish for taking pictures of us kissing?"
Mallow: "No the last one was blurred." he laughs
Cello: "You said that last time, and the time before, what about if someone gets into your phone?! You really shouldn't keep that on there!!"
Mallow: "There is only my sister who can get into my phone, and she already knows what we are up to."
Cello: "Yes I know she had a go at me in the library yesterday."
Mallow: "I'm sorry!!"
Cello: "Your phone, what about at work I'm sure you don't take it out onto the pitch with you, you must leave it laying around in the dressing room a lot."
Mallow: "We have lockers, besides I've got a password on my phone, so don't panic - your dirty secrets safe with us!!"
The door starts to bang, someones knocking on it, we both freeze.
Forrest: "Mallow you still in there?" he looks at me and smirks
Mallow: "Yeah, I'll be out in a sec."
Forrest: "I'm sorry somethings just come up, I've got to pop out - You don't need to rush off Cello's around here somewhere but I can't find him. Can you do me a favour and find him when you're done and tell him his Gran's not feeling too good so she's gone to bed, and he's to be quiet!! So if you're hanging around - no blaring music, I know you two!!"
Mallow: "Okay will do!!" we both stand smiling at each other.
Mallow: "I still need a shower!!"
Cello: "Yeah you do stink a little!!" I laugh as I start peeling off my clothes, he frowns at me "The house is empty all but Gran who's in bed, and you're not the only one who needs a shower!!" I wink at him "Unless you're not in the mood?!"
Mallow: "Yeah right!!" he laughs as he starts tearing his clothes off.
As far as my family are concerned me and Mallow are now just mates. We hang around a lot together and they never see anything going on between us that makes them think otherwise. Especially when they know I'm dating Annie and I've even dared to have both Mallow and Annie here at the same time.
We laugh ourselves stupid over the act we put on and pull off without anyone being none the wiser as to what we are up to. Which sometimes makes me wander what exactly is going through Mallows mind, while I'm having my cake and eating it, he's having to watch me with Annie and I've never once seen him flinch. If the tables were turned and I was having to watch him with someone else I'm not sure I could be so calm about it.
So standing in the middle of the living room half dressed and making out with Mallow is not such a clever thing to be doing. While knowing any minute someone could walk through that front door and catch us makes it very exciting - the thought of the fall out being caught would cause makes me come to my senses.
Even though we have just spent hours in the shower, our kissing is getting very heated again and I can see where this is starting to go again very quickly and if I'm not careful we are going to be doing it right here on the living room carpet!!
Cello: "Mallow .... stop .... we need to take this to my room!!"
Mallow: "Yeah ... I think you might be right!!"
I quietly watch him for ages as he lies there with his eyes closed, his breathing starts to get deeper like he's falling off to sleep. My mind is now totally tormented by something I'd heard him say to me, I'm not sure he meant me to hear it or if he even knew he'd said it. But he did say it and I did hear it and I really don't know what to do with it.
Why didn't I see it? I've been too wrapped up in the mess I'm making and my own feelings for Chad that I wasn't looking when all along it's been staring me right in the face. The way he is with me, the way he touches me, the things he does to me - this has never been just sex for either of us!!
Cello: "Mallow are you awake?" he doesn't react at first "Don't fall asleep Mallow" I reach out for him under the covers and run my hand down his chest.
Mallow: "Mmmmm" he mumbles sleepily
Cello: "I heard what you said to me" his eyes spring open he looks confused
Mallow: "I didn't say anything!"
Cello: "Not just ... I mean while we were ... you said 'I love you'"
he just stares at me I can see he's searching my eyes with his own
Mallow: "I'm sorry I didn't mean you to hear that!!"
Cello: "How long?"
Mallow: "Since the spaghetti." my mind flashed back to the very first time I met him
Cello: "You've been lying to me all this time!!"
Mallow: "I'm sorry I lied, but you weren't ready to hear it, and I'm not the only liar here am I Cello, but at least I'm not the one lying to myself!!"
Cello: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Mallow: "I can see it in your eyes, you love me too, you just haven't let yourself believe it yet." he smiled at me "You don't even see what's been going on here do you?!- you are just so blinkered by Chad, you are not even looking past him."
Cello: "You're wrong!!"
Mallow: "I think you know deep down I'm right!! Why are we even doing this Cello? Why are we having this sordid affair as my sister calls it?? I know why I'm doing it because I love you and I'm prepared to wait for you to sort your head out - but what do you tell yourself in that head of yours ... why exactly are you doing this Cello? and don't say it's just sex, because it's never been just that, and you could get plenty from Annie who you are supposed to be dating, but from what I can see I don't think you really want to, you spend way more time with me and you wouldn't even be going there with Annie if it wasn't for this baby thing ... would you?!" Im totally stunned
Cello: "You're wrong!!" I say it, but I'm not really believing it
Mallow: "Okay ..... I'm wrong if you say so!!" he says with a strange look on his face "If this is just sex and you don't have any feelings for me ... then it stops today - us - this - whatever you think is going on here, it's finished - I'll just get dressed and go!!" he went to get off the bed.
Cello: "NO!!!" I panicked and automatically grabbed him to stop him from leaving before I even thought about what I'm actually doing.
Mallow: "Which kind of proves my point a little don't you think!!" he slouched back on the bed with a smile on his face - he's just called my bluff and I fell for it!!
Cello: "Berry Hole!!!" we lay in silence for ages, my mind is skipping over everything he's said "You say you love me so how can you be so calm about Annie?"
Mallow: "Don't think I like it because I don't I hate it but I get the heir thing and understand you wanting children, hell I'd love my own but I'm totally gay I couldn't go there even if I wanted to so why shouldn't you if you have the chance to - but it's mostly because I can see you are really not into Annie, I've seen the way you are with her, it won't last." he raised he eyebrows "Personally I think it's never going to last with whoever ends up having your kids - you are meant to be gay, I don't get all this bisexual stuff you keep peddling - you will never be happy unless it's with another man, and I just hope when you've done what you've got to do that man is going to be me!!"
Cello: "You don't know that, maybe not Annie, but maybe I just haven't met the right woman yet!!"
Mallow: "You are gay - end of!!! We've been mates and lovers for a while now, and I think I actually know you better than you know yourself right now Cello."
Cello: "Go on then Mr know it all!! Let's hear it!!" I laughed
Mallow: "At the moment you're one mixed up dude I don't think you know who, where or what you are!! You don't even see what's been going on between us because Chad has some kind of hold over you that stops you from letting him go, which I haven't quite worked out yet but I will!! Besides him there's me and it's always the men you look at - how many times have you joked about how 'he's hot' or 'you'd go there' when it's a bloke - when it comes to the women all I ever hear is 'oh she's nice' and all you're on about is their personality nothing else, not once have I heard you say 'she's fit' or you'd go there - you're a gay man in a straight mans jacket and you need to take it off!!"
Cello: "Well, maybe you should help me take it off - this straight jacket!" I smirked and he started laughing
Mallow: "You just can't help yourself can you - do you run on batteries? because you are not normal!!"
Cello: "Batteries! something else you can look for while you're at it!!
Mallow: "Sorry I have work in an hour and I'm not sure I have the energy ...." he tries to fight me as I pushed him back on the bed and hovered over him
Cello: "That's plenty of time! and who says you have to do anything!!"
Mallow: "Cello that's not nearly enough in your book! You are going to make me late for work AGAIN!!" I'm not listening as I start to bite his neck gently which I know is going to get him "AWWW You are impossible!!"
Cello: "That's why you love me, now shut up and kiss me!!" when I start kissing him he stops fighting me.
After Mallow left for work I needed to get out I needed a drink, Mallow had totally blown my head with what he'd been saying, mainly because I think deep down I do know he's probably right about most of it, I'm just not ready to deal with it - it scares me.
I decided to go to the pool bar by the spa and wait until one of the other bars opened up for the evening drinking session. I didn't want to go into the dive bar which is open 24/7 because my Peeled fairy Grandfather won't leave me a lone for a minute if I go in there and I needed space to think.
I'm walking in the direction of the bar, not really taking much noticed of anything around me too busy thinking and watching the edge of the swimming pool I'm walking round so I don't walk into it. I look up just in time to see a blue woman walk past me quickly.
I froze for a moment then turned around quickly. For a second I'm not sure, it can't be!!!! I watch her carry on walking away from me and I'm almost sure it's who I think it is. I run after her.
Cello: "Crystal?!" she stops dead.
Cello: "Crystal!!"
She turned round slowly to face me.
Crystal: "I had hoped you hadn't spotted me!" she said quietly
Cello: "What the hell are you doing here?" she didn't say anything she just looked down "Where is he?"
Crystal: "He's .... does it really matter where he is!!! You just upped and left him remember!!"
Cello: "Crystal is he here on this island?? I need to know!! Where is Chad??"
Crystal: "Yes ...... he's here."
Oh Berry!!!
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Well I've officially found someone worse then Red for autonomous woohoo = Cello!! I'm getting sick of watching it. Its just continuous. Poor Mallow after the 6th time he ran off and fell asleep on the front garden when he left - it was too funny!! I'm not sure he even made it to work!!
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Oh boy.....and now the fun part starts!
ReplyDeleteLOL - if you want to call it fun!! headache more like lol
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